What I Just Realized
by Donatello8696
Summary: ...was that the person I loved the most was the person I was in love with. Incest. Rated M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**I really liked my one-shot story **_**The Night Before, The Morning After**_**, so I decided to make an actual story about Sodapop and Ponyboy. They are just so adorable together! So, again:**

**Warning: Incest and slash. Don't like, don't read.**

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If you just realize what I just realized,  
Then we'd be perfect for each other  
and will never find another  
Just realized what I just realized  
we'd never have to wonder if  
we missed out on each other now.

"Realize"-_ Colbie Calliat_

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I sat at the edge of my bed, cradling my head in my hands. I tried to force the thoughts of disgust and guilt at the back of my mind, but it wasn't going away easily.

I was startled out of my thoughts by the door creaking open. Looking up, I saw Soda enter the room. When he saw me, his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"Pony, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked almost timidly.

I sighed, knowing for a while that he was going to confront me sooner or later. "'Bout what?"

"About the way you've been acting," he said, sitting next to me. My heart leapt when I felt his hand brush lightly over mine. "Pony, was there something I did? Why've you been avoiding me lately?"

I turned my head to see a flash of hurt shoot across his face. I felt a pang of guilt when I saw it. I didn't want to hurt him, but this was what was best for both of us: if I was as far away from him as possible. It was true that I had been avoiding Soda for the past few days, but again, it was for the best.

I didn't say that to his face though. Instead, I said, "It's not anything you do." I stood and walked over to the wall, turning and resting my back against it. Soda kept his eyes locked to mine, and I found myself unable to look away for a moment. After a while, however, I forced myself to glance away.

With a sigh, Soda said, "Pony, it's been days since I've really talked to you. It _has _to be something I did. Pony, tell me - ." In the process of saying this, Soda had stood up and walked over until he was right in front of me. He moved to grab my hand, but I soon as I felt his skin hit mine, I involuntarily flinched. If Soda noticed, he didn't show it.

"I told you, you didn't do anything," I said, unable to control the unintentional plead that creeped into my voice. If he didn't move away now, I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold myself back any longer. He was too close. Too close...

Soda wouldn't give up. "Pony, what's going on with you?"

My heart was literally soaring through my chest. I silently tried to calm myself down and took a deep breath. "Nothing, Soda. I swear, if it were a problem, I would tell you. I promise." _Uh, Ponyboy. News flash: ya just broke that promise._

It was silent for a while. Soda still looked a little suspiscious, but at least he looked somewhat convinced. "Okay," he said, nodding. "Okay."

"Alright," I said, and walked out of the room as fast as I could without running. I escaped the first time, but it didn't mean that I would next time. Soda hadn't given up yet.

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**Sorry it was so short, but I promise future chapters will be longer. I just could find a good place to end this chapter, so I decided to end it there. Soda's point of view of this whole thing might come in the second chapter. It's going to be switching of between both Ponyboy and Sodapop throughout this story, and there might be a chance of others POV's, but since it's centered between those two, it's going to be mainly their views. **

**Should I keep it or trash it? Please tell me what you think! Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it belongs to their rightful owners, blah blah blah... I know the drill by heart already!**

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I didn't know when it all started.

You know, the heat in my cheeks whenever he looks at me, the somersaults in my stomach whenever I hold him close at night, the rapid heartbeat whenever he gives a simple touch; a pat on the back, a hug, a hand grazing over mine as we do the dishes... That sort of thing.

I didn't need to have a brain like Ponyboy's to know what these feelings meant. I wasn't stupid.

But the whole thing was stupid. And sick. I mean, how could I love my brother like that? How could anyone love their own flesh and blood like that?

But I did, and I don't know how it happened. I mean, at first, I just started to notice things. Small, innocent things. Like how Pony would beam whenever Darry would praise him on a perfect homework assignment, or how he would rub his eyes when tired.

Normal things. Brotherly things.

I thought it was okay, but then I started to notice more about my younger brother. This time, they weren't so innocent.

Like how Ponyboy would bite his lip when stuck on a complicated math problem. How the water trickled down his bare skin after taking a shower. How he would pant after a track meet. How he would call my name whenever he needed something.

Those kind of things. I noticed it all, and it killed me.

I knew things were changing between me and Ponyboy. I knew that perhaps he didn't notice it - and that the ache in my heart was unnatural. At least around him it was. At first, I had thought it was from Sandy. It was true that I was near heartbroken when Sandy left for Florida, pregnant with a baby that wasn't mine. But after I began to think about it, I had stopped loving her from the moment Ponyboy had asked me if I was okay one night when we were about to go to sleep. Maybe even before that. I remember it was though it were yesterday.

_"Soda?"_

_"Mmm?" I mumbled sleepily, opening my tired eyes, glancing at my little brother. He was looking back at me. "Yeah Pony? What is it?"_

_Ponyboy looked hesitant, struggling with his words for a moment. Finally he sighed. "Soda, do you wanna talk about it?"_

_I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "'Bout what, Pone?" He bit his lip, looking uncertain._

_"About... about Sandy." I lowered my gaze down to my pillow. Talking about Sandy was what I wanted to talk about least. "Soda. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just think that it would be best to."_

_I nodded. "No, I want to, Pony," I lied. I could try to talk about Sandy. Maybe Pony was right, Maybe it would help. _

_He nodded. A silent moment passed before he spoke again. "Did you really love her that much?"_

_"Hmm." I blinked slowly while I lowered my head to pass for a small nod. "I did love her, Pony. So much. But... I guess she just didn't love me back." Ponyboy kept his eyes on me, understanding. _

_"You could do a lot better, Soda. There is someone out there who will love you as much as you love her."_

_I nodded again. "I know, Pone. But... I really thought she was the one, y'know?" _

_Pony blinked. "Yeah, Soda. Me too."_

_Confusion hit me. Even though this was sort of a touchy subject for me, the emotions that had been gnawing on my insides for the past month were slowly disappearing, growing less and less frequent and becoming more bearable. My eyes didn't even water. Was I getting over Sandy this fast?_

_My thoughts were interrupted by Ponyboy's next question. "What was it like? Being in love?"_

_I thought about it for a moment. What was love like? Was love the feeling of a thousand butterflies soaring through your stomach at that one person? Was it the warmth that immediately spread around you whenever they look at you, touch you, or whenever you think of them? Was it the knowledge of knowing they had the same feelings toward you?_

_I smiled. "It's real nice, Ponyboy. Real nice."_

_He grinned, and I felt my stomach flutter. "Good night, Soda."_

_"Night Pone."_

_He closed his eyes and in a matter of minutes was asleep. I stared at him, feeling slightly light-headed. And confused. Extremely confused._

_Was this love?_

Was it?

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**Just a little chapter on Soda's view on things. Poor Soda, so confused... **

**Anyway, sorry about the long wait! I'm updating a little quicker now, alright? Review please!**


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